24 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Argentina!, challenges, keeping up, life, meditation, pictures, spiritual, travel
my meditation spot on the roof
Lately I’ve been sad. I’m not really sure, and I think that is how it goes, sometimes you can’t really figure it out. I’m trying to work with myself to be more balanced in my life. Recently I had a few freak outs because of stress which found me kinda crying hysterically and feeling like my life was ending. I seriously thought about buying a bus ticket to Mendoza and disappearing into the Andes…
Just, seeing all my faults lately ya know, getting kinda down on myself, er…a lot down on myself. This is always how it is though, it gets worse before it gets better. Destruction before reconstruction eh?
I basically just am praying. a lot. Like oh dear god please just let me find the strength within to get through these challenges I am facing right now! And I’m also like, ok chop chop you are supposed to take care of me, make it happen! Show me what direction to go in cause I am totally confused…
Oh my dear lord what I would give to be at the Golden Temple right now. It is literally my “happy place”. That and sometimes also the forest. There is really nothing like meditating there during the early early hours of the morning when the city is still quiet.
Every time I travel somewhere and get settled enough to start to love it, it becomes a part of me. Argentina from now on will always have a special place in my heart (awwww). But, I feel so nostalgic already for places when I’m not there, India, US, now Argentina is added to the list. Great. haha. There will be more to add to the list of places to miss within the next few years. I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to be doing much more traveling in the near future.
El Padrino!!!! jajaja
was pretty dumbfounded when I saw this. one of the coolest murals I've seen here. I just stood and stared...
old ladies talking in the park 
new cafe discovery!
one thing I love about cafes here is they all have "liquados" which are smoothies yum and good sandwiches. this one had fresh spinach, tomato, basil, cheese and olive oil and vinegar
puppy!!!!!!!!!!
park at twilight
another cool mural
haha ok this picture is kinda funny....well it's not really but it's funny in the way that right after I took this picture, three people who were in front of the kiosk asked me to take a picture of them...
They invited me to drink mate with them! it is so funny how mate is treated almost like a drug here. If you have ever been in a circle of people smoking pot, well it’s kind of a similar thing. The mate is passed around in a circle, each person taking a turn to drink the full cup before it is filled up again with water for the next person. A popular subject that always seems to come up is whether I have a boyfriend or not. Everyone dates here and PDA is suuuper common. You always see couples on park benches making out, sitting on each other and… yeah P-D-A and many times T-M-I…
I answer no, and that I’m not looking either and they say “porque no?!” They always ask, oh what do you think of the Argentinian boys? Why don’t you have an Argentinian boyfriend? I just say, yeah not interested… but the guys are definitely muy dulce I say, and then they smile.
On another note, there is this adorable little book I bought from a boutique shop in Eugene with a gift card from a friend. “How to be Happy” by Lama Zopa Rinpoche. It has just a bunch of little inspirational tips on different subjects. It also has some meditation techniques in the back.
“We might have big ideas about how we can contribute to world peace, but if we can’t help bring peace in our own family, our own workplace – even our own mind – how can we ever start?”
I appreciate this because it is so easy for me to feel like, gahhh I’m only ONE person, and I have such big aspirations, but how can I ever do what i want to do?! I’m not capable, I can’t…blah blah blah. Well, I can at least start within myself, making myself a positive example and being in a place where I can uplift everyone who comes in contact with me. That is something I CAN do and that does make a difference.
Here are a few others I like,
“Mind is like dough, which means you can mold it into any shape. you can roll it into suffering, or roll it into ultimate happiness. Mind is like a disciple, which means you must strive always to be the guru, always teaching. Mind is like a child, which means you should become like parents, the father and the mother carefully and lovingly watching the child and guiding her. If you too act like the child, believe everything the child says, if you become the child, you create obstacles and life becomes suffering.
Mind is like a boat, and you are the captain; mind is a car and you are the driver. Lean the waters, watch the road, steer the vehicle, follow the map – letting the mind run haphazardly where it will, rudderless, captainless, driverless, is the path to great harm”
“Approach you mind the way a spy approaches his target. Spy on your mind. Get to know everything about it: what it is thinking, planing, acting out, whether it is working for good or causing harm – and carefully work to interfere when the mind is being negative.”
A New Chapter to Write
30 Aug 2011 2 Comments
in challenges, life, travel
in my book of life is beginning today. I am off to live in Argentina for four months. I am scared, and excited, and nervous. So much planning and thought has happened in the past 6 months to lead me to this moment. When you spend so much time and energy focusing on one thing, off in the distant future somewhere, when it finally appears in the headlights it is still a surprise. I got so used to thinking about going to Argentina, actually leaving it’s like, “Wait, WHAT am I doing?!?”
I know in my gut that this experience is going to be mind-blowing, life-altering, eye-opening. My only expectation is that I am open to learn whatever I can down there.
It is silly that I am so nervous really, I mean I have been away from home for 9 months at a time when I attended Miri Piri Academy in India for high school. http://www.miripiriacademy.org/ That was totally different though. I had already visited the school before I went for my first year and I had friends already there. Also, the school had a big focus on Kundalini yoga, meditation and living a Sikh lifestyle.
Ah well, no use fussing now, it is happening, haha and there is nothing I can do about it, although I did have thoughts of just not going…
The unknown can be so scary sometimes, even if it is something that you want so badly and have been planning for! It feels like now that
This program will be a great test for me to be able to maintain who I am in a different environment. They say that your environment helps to shape who you are, so I am excited (and nervous) to get out of the comfort zone of my family and the community I have grown up in, and be cast out into the wide open world. I have been yearning for this opportunity to do something hands on instead of sitting in classes taking notes all day and long nights at the library. This program is focused on experiential-based learning. YES! One of the seminars I am taking, Regional Integration, Development, and Social Change is going to consist of excursions around the city of Buenos Aires, to rural Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay and Uruguay! Praise the Lord! This is awesome!
Don’t worry, I’ll update my blog whenever I get a chance and will upload tons of pictures.
This trip is forcing me to ask myself a lot of important questions, like Who Am I? I know that sounds all “woo woo” but I’m serious. I’m at a point in my life where I am developing consistencies within myself that I will maintain throughout my life. It’s pretty awesome.
I have so much to look forward to in my life! I want to be able to serve many people during my life. I also want to have a happy home life. I know I’ve got some more adventures around the world to fulfill first. I’m reminding myself to look forward to that, but also be in this moment and enjoy my life, no matter what I am doing or who I am with.
Happiness runs in a circular motion
Life is like a little boat upon the sea
Everybody is a part of everything anway
You can have it all if you let yourself be
Why-o? Because!
It’s amazing
06 Aug 2011 3 Comments
in challenges, destiney, keeping up, meditation, spiritual
what is happening right now. I sense this surge of excitement, energy, positivity and inspiration coming from all of these amazing people! Everyone seems to be on a similar page, wanting to reach out and uplift others.
I can only smile, and do the same.
There.
is
so
much
hope
in the air.
Sometimes I just feel so much joy I am confused weather I’d rather dance or cry because of the intense beauty of it all.
Swimming in the Willamette
I’m finding joy in the simple pleasures of life, happy bumble bees buzzing in their buds, hugging people I love, and people I don’t. Dancing randomly. Meditating, reminding myself to just BE.
<3
I AM. I AM.
Lately, this is hard to put into words, but, I am scratching the surface of a new understanding of how to live my life, how to relate to others, how to relate to myself. For most of my life I have lived from a very visceral place, satisfying my immediate desires, which is not conducive to spiritual advancement.
Of course, this is very basic stuff. I kind of laugh to myself now, well, with a bit of remorse, but I still laugh at the realization that this is all stuff I’ve been told before in my life by my parents and elders.
They are nice enough to not say, “I told you so”.
These days I am coming up to a wall covered in post-its of these big life questions. It’s like I could follow the wall and find a different route around, just, not deal with it now, or just start with one at a time and go from there. I can’t handle to transgress. I want to deal with my shit! I don’t want it to remain piled up in the back of my head to come back to haunt me later in life. I just have this sense that now is the time to get this tough self-examination out of the way, and I’m sure it never stops, but at least to start. I’m starting. A pile of post-it notes= daunting, 1 post-it note= not so scary, maybe even cute? Just a step at a time. I can do this.
I am understanding the importance of Sant Sipahi (Saint Soldier). I like this translation from SikWiki.org:
“This is a philosophy and a lifestyle which was first endorsed by Guru Hargobind, and later personified in Guru Gobind Singh. The order of the two words is important.
The first word in this phrase is “Sant” and so this has domination and means that the first duty of the Sikh is to be a “Sant” or to be a wise and knowledgeable person... The word is a modified form of the word “Sat” which can simply mean “True” but can also be translated as meaning lasting, real, wise and venerable. Sat or Satya has commonly been used since the Vedic times for the Ever-existent, Unchanging Reality or the Self-existent, Universal Spirit, Brahman or God. The word “Sant” which can be linked to “Sat” is not generally used in a formal sense and is a subjective word which refers to a person who is considered an able and wise. So the common translation of the word “Sant” is a wise, considerate, judicious and knowledgeable person who has a good understanding of Dharam or religion.
The second word in the phrase is “Sapahi”. So this “Sant” should also be a soldier able to fight and engage in warfare. A Sikh who cannot fight cannot be a “Sant-Sapahi” and would be lacking in the required qualities. So the second duty of a Sikh is to be able and ready to fight for a worthy cause and for the protection of righteousness and the weak. So the idea for being a warrior is to protect and defend the weak and oneself from any tyrants and bullies. Sikhs were taught to be kind as well as fearless. However, the Khalsa is forbidden to never engage in a first attack on any person for whatever reason. Only when all means have been exhausted and negotiations have failed can the sword be yielded in defence of a legitimate and worthy cause.”
I’m realizing the importance of conduction myself as a warrior in this life. There is so much that I need to be able to defend myself from. Things that are disguised to make life easier, more fun, exciting. They are there to be helpful, or so they say. I keep coming back to this, this card I picked when I asked what my destiny on this Earth was:
| The Rebel |  |
People are afraid, very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism, a charisma that can take out alive, young people from the traditional imprisonment…. The enlightened man cannot be enslaved – that is the difficulty – and he cannot be imprisoned…. Every genius who has known something of the inner is bound to be a little difficult to be absorbed; he is going to be an upsetting force. The masses don’t want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery; they are in misery, but they are accustomed to the misery. And anybody who is not miserable looks like a stranger. The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organization confines him, no community, no society, no nation. Osho The Zen Manifesto: Freedom from Oneself Chapter 9 Commentary: The powerful and authoritative figure in this card is clearly the master of his own destiny. On his shoulder is an emblem of the sun, and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth. Whether he is wealthy or poor, the Rebel is really an emperor because he has broken the chains of society’s repressive conditioning and opinions. He has formed himself by embracing all the colors of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. His very way of being is rebellious – not because he is fighting against anybody or anything, but because he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The eagle is his spirit animal, a messenger between earth and sky. The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth. |
Deh Shiva
by Guru Gobind Singh
“Oh god, grant me this wish, may I never refrain from righteous acts, may I fight without fear all foes in life’s battle with confident courage claiming the victory, may my highest ambition be singing thy praises and may thy glory be enshrined in my mind, when this mortal life reaches its limits, may I die fighting with limitless courage.”
Everybody’s Feelin’ the Pressure Right Now
04 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in challenges, keeping up
Animals have feeling too.
Solstice Post!
28 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in challenges, life, pain, spiritual
there was so much smoke
there is something about those mountains and about that sky that takes my breath away
morning Gurdwara was one of my favorite times of the day. There is nothing like meditating to beautiful kirtan with the rising of the sun
Ok so I have kind of been procrastinating writing this post, mainly because I have been asked by so many people, “Oh how was Solstice?” so I’ve been repeating myself a lot lately, and the thought of sitting down and writing it all out just seemed a bit excrucuating…but it is necessary, so here goes.
Solstice was…amazing. It was amazing and very transformational. Overall, exhausting. I could write quite a bit about the uncomfortable conditions up the hill, the wind, the dry heat, the cold showers, the dust that got everywhere….yeah all that was quite unpleasant at times, but besides all those physically uncomfortable sensations, I experienced a very profound change which sticks out in my mind as the most important part of my summer solstice experience.
Where I spent most of my down time
I found the Guru….or you could say, I finally was able to relate to the the spiritual path of Sikhism with my full heart. I now understood the wisdom of the teachings of the Siri Guru Granth. Waheguru, wow it was amazing! It happened like this: Up there in those mountains of Ram Das Puri, I was under so much pressure in every single way I felt like I was going to implode. Physically, I was uncomfortable all the time. I got sunburns, heat rashes and generally was overheated. Emotionally, I was under more stress than I think I have ever been in my life. My mind was constantly consumed with anxiety and stress. I was also just feeling the pressure of the changing times. Change seems to be happening so rapidly, for so many people, the pressure of all this change to be flexible is tiresome, it tests you! So much change in such a short period of time is exhausting. I found myself trying so hard to cling to the past and what I knew, than be able to just let go and accept the change. Emotionally, I exhausted myself, by not being able to accept the present situation. I was trying to impose what I wanted to happen on the situation, which never really turns out well. I was trying to control my life, haha.
Anyway, so my point. During this recent solstice experience, I realized that I do not want to…rather…I cannot live anything but a spiritual, committed lifestyle, and having grown up as a Sikh, I have a deep love for the mindset and daily practices of this lifestyle. Now, more than I ever have in my entire life, I am trusting the infinite to take care of me. I am giving myself to the Guru. I feel as if a huge, sloppy, sticky mess has just been lifted from my shoulders. Another huge change, I am now fully committed. Before this year, there was always a thought in the back of my head that maybe, someday, who knows, I might not be a Sikh, you just never know what can happen in life. Throughout this past year, I have gone through a lot of pain, and during the past few months have been coming back to my Sikh lifestyle to give me strength and help me renew. Summer solstice was merely the final process which called me to really decide, to really commit. I know now what it is to not live as a Sikh and for me, it was a living hell. I do not like some of the effects that straying from the lifestyle has brought me, but I have found something that is more important than anything that I may have lost. I feel that I have finally found myself. Whatever happened was merely a sacrifice to allow me to find my path. Now I know I will dedicate myself to living as a Sikh no matter what. I cannot imagine doing anything else, I do not want to do anything else. Now I am experiencing such sweet joy within from the wisdom of this path. I am REALLY hearing it! I’ve grown up as a Sikh, so it’s not like any of this is really new to me, but it was not relevant until now. I guess now I have some real-life experience to relate to.
Resting while listening to beautiful kirtan in the Gurdwara in Espanola
So, solstice was a chance for me to really attune to all this. To finally commit, and say, no I don’t want to life a wishy-washy life always searching for satisfaction outside of myself. I want to live a life of devotion and service to others through the wisdom of a Sikh lifestyle. Waheguru!!! What a beautiful place in my life to be right now! It is so amazing there are no words to describe it. I am quite ecstatic. There is a steadiness that is growing in me that comes from my committment. With committment, there is no question and with no question there can be no duality, and without duality there is no need for worry, stress, emotion, commotion. Thank god, sheesh. It’s about time I gave myself this gift. I feel so blessed. Wow!!!
Sikh weddings are firstly about one's own comittment to the Guru, and secondly to each other
“Soohee, Third Mehl: The body-bride is very beautiful; she dwells with her Husband Lord. She becomes the happy soul-bride of her True Husband Lord, contemplating the Word of the Guru’s Shabad. The Lord’s devotee is forever attuned to the Lord’s Love; her ego is burnt away from within. ||1|| Waaho! Waaho! Blessed, blessed is the Word of the Perfect Guru’s Bani. It wells up and springs forth from the Perfect Guru, and merges into Truth. ||1||Pause|| Everything is within the Lord – the continents, worlds and nether regions. The Life of the World, the Great Giver, dwells within the body; He is the Cherisher of all. The body-bride is eternally beautiful; the Gurmukh contemplates the Naam. ||2|| The Lord Himself dwells within the body; He is invisible and cannot be seen. The foolish self-willed manmukh does not understand; he goes out searching for the Lord externally. One who serves the True Guru is always at peace; the True Guru has shown me the Invisible Lord. ||3||…“ -Siri Guru Granth Sahib
I am you and you are me, what is the difference between us?
Ok this is for realz now
10 Jun 2011 2 Comments
in challenges, keeping up
ok peoples….I’ve been procrastinating writing this post, if you read that Gandhi quote below, well that’s why…been just not able to commit. Ok here goes my daily sadhana that I am committing to right NOW!
1.) I will take a cold shower every morning (It really is physically impossible to feel depressed in a cold shower, really helps to get you out of a funk, then again as I’m writing this I’m like oh god what are you thinking just stop, delete now, but no, I really gotta do this) This video is just great, see how vibrant she is?!
Wearing kacheras fixes the problem of trying to keep your thighs out of the cold water
http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Kachera
2.) I will read Jaapji every morning!
3.) I will do the Smiling Buddha meditation everyday (link to how to do the meditation is in a earlier post)
4.) I will refer to a list of positive affirmations and quotes when I am sad and also make a list of things I can do to makes myself feel better (need to still make this, but definitely going to include The Rebel tarot card)
oh yeah, I can do this. Ok, This is happening!
Looking forward to…
10 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in challenges, life, pain
Solstice so much. Yeah, life is hard lately. Just, everything piling up all at once. When dealing with issues of the heart vs. school, the heart seems so much more important, it has been hard to pull through this year. I’m just glad it’s over so now I can focus fully on taking care of myself and getting better.
I don’t know, can meditation fix everything? Sometimes it just feels good to cry.
I know it makes me sad, but I can’t help listening to Bon Iver. I am ecstatic and filled with sorrow all at once.
Another song I probably shouldn’t be listening to, but I <3 Band of Horses…
So this part term I took a class all about Gandhi. It was awesome, I learned so much about him and his movement and motivations that I had not known before. One of my favorite passages from his autobiography that I just have to share which I completely agree with:
“The importance of vows grew upon me more clearly than ever before. I realized that a vow, far from closing the door to real freedom, opened it. Up to this time I had not met with success because the will had been lacking, because I had had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt.
I realized that in refusing to take a vow man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertin-ism to a real monogamous marriage. ‘I believe in effort, I do not want to blind myself with vows,’ is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for the thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty in making a final decision?
I vow to flee from the serpent which I know will bite me, I do not simply make an effort to flee from him. I know that mere effort may mean certain death. Mere effort means ignorance of the certain fact that the serpent is bound to kill me. The fact, therefore, that I could rest content with an effort only, means that I have not yet clearly realized the necessity of definite action.
‘But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow?’ Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced. That is is why Nishkulanand has sung: ‘Renunciation without aversion is not lasting.’ Where therefore the desire is gone, a vow of renunciation is the natural and inevitable fruit.”
I had a good friend tell me these things as well, now I really understand. I felt like I had an unfair advantage in this class. already understand what it means to follow a dharma, a spiritual path and I understand the Indian culture. Discussions were pretty fun. A group of college kids discussion karma, dharma, renunciation, commitment, spiritual practice and much more. Pretty cool.
Keeping up is hard
30 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in challenges, keeping up, life, spiritual
Like I said, keeping up is hard to do. The things that make me feel sustainably good are pretty obvious to me, but for some reason sometimes I stubbornly refuse to do them. Most of the time, I use laziness as an excuse. Laziness is a socially acceptable excuse to not challenge yourself. It’s bullshit really. If you know what you need to do, you know what makes you YOU and you know what to do to create change in your life, just do it. If laziness is your excuse, man, that is just sad. What could people really do if they got off their butts and acted on their – oh I should do this, I should do that, but I can’t cause I’m too lazy.
I know I am working on this. It is a constant struggle to keep up, to even motivate myself to want to keep up. I could just slip back into a space where I don’t care to keep up, to challenge myself to be my best, where I just go with the flow. It is easy to be lazy, in the moment anyway. Over time it really catches up with you. It’s not very good for the self-esteem either. Lazy, is not a quality that I value. Yeah, it’s not an adjective I want to associate myself with.
There is definitely a difference between being lazy and not accomplishing anything and consciously deciding to do nothing. There are two very different things. One is still in control of one’s self, while the other is indifferent. When I have things to do and get lazy, electronic music usually helps me get going.
I <3 Rusko
