I want to be unstoppable!

ya know? Like that Santigold song. Here you go, you can listen to this song while you read the rest of my post

I WANT TO BE UNSTOPPABLE

There is this restless feeling in me that has been growing.

Good things have been happening in my life, I have many people surrounding me who adore me and I’m having fun just being with them. I feel sometimes like I’m having too much fun and that life will come back to bite me in the ass sooner or later and then I’ll be sorry. I should be working! I should be saving money! I should be paying off my student loans and looking for a real job instead of waiting tables! But…I like the freedom this life brings. Hanging out with friends in the sun and going to concerts is all I want to do at the moment. Is that so wrong?

I will not be a slave to a 9-5! I can’t see myself following the traditional school->work->work->work->retire->live framework. I want to live the life I want to live NOW. I have so many self-help-y books littering my room. Here are a few:

• “The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, live anywhere, and join the new rich” by Timothy Ferris
• “Career Renegade: How to make a great living doing what you love” by Jonathan Fields
• “Uncertainty: Turning fear and doubt into fuel for brilliance” by Jonathan Fields
• “Escape from Cubicle Nation: From corporate prisoner to thriving entrepreneur” by Pamela Slim, foreword by Guy Kawasaki (that RichDadPoorDad dude)
• “The Mind: It’s projections and multiple facets” by Yogi Bhajan PhD, compiled by Gurucharan S. Khalsa

I’ve only just recently solidified that this is what I want, to live outside of the traditional box, but how….that is something that I pray pray pray will show itself to me along the way. But, I have to be working towards something. I can’t just wait for the perfect opportunity to show itself. I must choose something and work towards that. I’ll describe this feeling with an image:

It’s like I’m crossing a river by jumping on stones that are sticking out of the water. Only thing is, its foggy. So foggy in fact that I can only see one rock at a time in front of me. The wind is blowing heavily and I’m carrying a heavy load so I have to lean into the wind to not be knocked off balance and thrown into the rushing river. I have to consider the wind when jumping to the next rock. I do not know if there is a path that crosses the entire river, and I do not know how wide it is, but I must move forward…because I cannot go back.

Er…I just…can’t. Would you go back to where you were? I don’t know specifically where I’m going in life, but I do know that I ALWAYS ALWAYS want to be moving forward and growing and learning constantly. Challenges will always come up. You never know how close you may have been to reaching the end…

I just discovered this guy, Jonathan Budd who is focused on empowering ppl to become entrepreneurs. I like him because he talks very poignantly and also from a spiritual perspective: Only You Can Set Yourself Free

Some of his main points:

1. book knowledge < experiential knowledge (my thoughts exactly 
2. you must embody what you wish to achieve
3. your outer world mirrors your inner world so discipline your life and take care of your body, mind and spirit

Hope you found something interesting in this post. More coming soon.

Keep Up  xoxo

Hate Crime Against Sikhs; wake up America!

By now you have probably heard of the recent shooting at a Sikh temple in Wisconsin this past Sunday. It has definitely shaken up the whole Sikh community.

“When things are down and darkest, thats when we stand tallest…”

It has caused us to come together to educate our communities about Sikhism, and look at the larger issue here: ignorance. Since 9/11 anti-Islamic sentiment, according to the FBI has risen 1600%. Although Sikhism is a separate religion than Islam, we have always considered them as part of our human family. The “War on Terror” waged by our previous president who will not be named, along with other factors, has made fear of differences take a front seat in our political discourse. I’d say fear in general is used as a tool to manipulate and control many Americans. It is “us vs. them”! We need to take this tragic event as a wake up call. Here is an excellent article by a young Sikh woman for CNN about her family and her vision for a new, more aware America

How you can support the Sikh community, educate yourself and cultivate peaceful relationships with those different than you:

• #1 EDUCATE YOURSELF Narinder Singh, Sikh Coalition chairman, discusses efforts to clarify misunderstanding about the Sikh community. A short interview with SALDEF on NPR
• EDUCATE OTHERS
• Find a vigil near you: http://www.kaurista.com/event, http://www.sikhcoalition.org/get-involved/act-now/information-for-community-support
• Visit a Sikh temple. Services happen on Sundays usually starting around 11am and ending around 1 with a meal. Anyone and everyone are always welcome to come to the services (please remove your shoes and cover your head) and share in the meal afterwards.
• Visit any temple of a different religious denomination than you.
• Get to know someone who is different than you. Who are those people that you look at and think, “I wouldn’t want to find myself in a dark alley with them” or even. Who are those people that scare you or gross you out? Who are those people you automatically don’t like before meeting them just because they look or act in a way that is foreign to you? Maybe it’s someone who wears a turban, or a headscarf, or an elderly person who smells funny, or a differently-abled person who you feel you can’t relate to, or a homeless person. People are more similar than you’d think. Buy them a cup o’ coffee, talk to them.
• Have a conversation about this hate crime and hate crimes in general.
• Meditate/ Pray and send healing to those affected. May we see ourselves in the other and act through love, not hate.
• If you are part of a Sikh community, contact your local media, start Sikh 101 classes, DO MORE SEWA in your local community so that you may be known for your selfless service,
• Support the Wisconsin Sikh community and find out more about how you can get involved.
• Donate to cover medical and funeral costs
• Be more self-reflective and introspective. Are there people you dislike even though you have never met them? Why? Can you let it go?

Whatever you choose to do, even if it is tweeting about this or making it your facebook status for a day, please do not perpetuate this cycle of hatred. Take this as an opportunity to feel compassion, send out a healing prayer to all those affected and check yourself. How often do you feel fear or dislike towards someone who is different than you? Educate yourself. Do not act from ignorance and impulse. Do not believe everything our politicians, the media and society tell you. Think for yourself.

Can you look into the eyes of another, who you may fear because they are different, yet see their human-ness which is the same as yours?

Love

…lifts us up where we belong

…makes the world go ’round

…is all ya need

it is not a feeling but a state of being.

“i have forgotten all my learnings, but from knowing you I have become a scholar…”

it has to start from somewhere deep inside yourself. if you don’t have an understanding of what it means to be in love with you, how can you be able to love anyone else? everyone else is a mirror.

no one will ever be good enough without first loving yourself.

strength must come from that infinite place,

you came alone and alone you shall leave

and in between there will be beautiful people and place to love

and that is the beauty of life

it expands you

it flows through you and makes you look at the world with child-like eyes of wonder

“The lovely one whispers under her breath, and you go mad, witless, no reason left…O Lord, what is this chant, what magic art, that weaves its spell on even a stone heart?” ~Rumi

where your thoughts end, love begins

“…en el amor como agua de mar te has destado:

mido apenas los ojos mas extensos del cielo

y me inclino a tu boca para besar la tierra”

“…in love you have loosened yourself like sea water:

I can scarcely measure the sky’s most spacious eyes

and I lean down to your mouth to kiss the earth.”

   ~Pablo Neruda

where there is love there is no question.

in love, the impossible becomes possible

No one can measure, not even poets, how much a heart can hold.

How much passion can one heart hold?

just leave me here love

I just get so filled up with…well, with what? Love? Oh god that sounds so cheesy. Lust for life? Maybe.

I bet you have already heard this song already but it is one of those ones you can’t listen to just once in a row. It amazes me how relevant this song is for so many people I know right now, myself included. This song has everything going for it, good lyrics, good vocals, good background music. Oh and not to mention the music video is captivating. Raw.

Whatever it is, it makes me want to throw all social norms out the fucking window and dance and sing at the top of my lungs. There are not many things I can do in a daily routine that will quell this thirst of self-expression.

I want to be in the woods. I want to commune with the trees and the natural cycles of life, not this concrete jungle that force feeds me lies of an ethnocentric, consumerist culture focused on the individual.

I’m figuring out how to channel this energy into more productive things than dreams. Dreams ain’t gonna pay the bills or save the world* (my #1 priority)

a piece of my heart was left there

I love how he just belts this out, and the guitar is pleasantly reminiscent of Vampire Weekend.

*I have a healthy understanding that no person, no matter how amazing can “save” the world. It is just too long and wide and contains way too many conflicting interests for anyone to feel burdened by this grand task. There is no need to place so much pressure on yourself. Still, I am an optimist and will never give up the hope that maybe I will be able to effect some positive change that will last.

….   w  h e r e    do we go from here……..?

Self-doubt is my worst enemy…aaand Kashmir…er Led Zeppelin?

My mind is the only thing standing in my way. It pulls me into a black hole of doubt that holds me down and tells me I’m not worth it. I can’t possibly do it. No way. What was I thinking? I do a lot of things, but yet, I still feel there is a voice of fear that is keeping me from reaching my full potential and striving towards my dreams.

I’m starting to get fed up with this fear shit.

I’m at the point now where I’m challenging it. It is still there, but I go for what I want anyway.

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars

There is this class through the conflict and dispute resolution masters program that recently opened up some of their classes to undergrads. So, more than half the class is grad students, which is more my level at this point anyway, but it’s still overwhelming. The class is basically a mixture of political science, history, econ, foreign policy and some all mixed in together to look in-depth at 7 major national conflicts around the world. Examples: China and Taiwan, Israel/ Palestine, Kashmir (India and Pakistan), etc. It has been absolutely kicking my butt, and the teacher is super intimidating, which has made me slightly nervous when I need to talk to him one on one but also motivated me to study more so I don’t sound like an idiot when I talk to him. I’ve become really interested in the current conflict of Kashmir involving Pakistan and India which is potentially the most dangerous conflict because it is the only one in the world where both sides possess nuclear weapons. Yikes.

The conflict with Kashmir, like many border conflicts still going on today dates back to those British dunces who, with their outdated, poorly drawn maps, divided up land into different nations at their leisure. “…it had been created rather off-handedly by the British after the first defeat of the Sikhs in 1846, as a reward to a former official who had sided with the British.” It was connected to India through the Punjab, but was at the time, 77% Muslim so everyone assumed that it would eventually become part of Pakistan. After India declared independence in 1947, Kashmir had the choice of becoming part of Pakistan or India.

After hesitation (and thoughts of just making an independent Kashmir) a mutiny of Muslim regimen broke out in Kashmir and Maharaja Hari Singh implored India to help. India agreed on the condition that Kashmir accede to India. This is what is now Jammu and Kashmir in northern India. Conflict continues because the population is majority Muslim and many want to join Pakistan. Many want to be part of an independent Kashmir. It was always assumed that the Kashmiris would be given the opportunity at some point to vote on what they wanted, but that is yet to occur. I find this conflict especially interesting as I am half Punjabi and Sikh and my family was in the Punjab during the time of the Indo-Pakistan war of 1947-1948, also known as the Partition. Not to mention that Kashmir used be part of the Sikh empire under Maharaja Ranjit Singh.

And I just had to add this song “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin. I’ve never been a huge fan, but I appreciate his passionate performance and they may just be growing on me.

Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been
To sit with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen
They talk of days for which they sit and wait and all will be revealed

Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace, whose sounds caress my ear
But not a word I heard could I relate, the story was quite clear
Oh, oh.

Oh, I been flying… mama, there ain’t no denyin’
I’ve been flying, ain’t no denyin’, no denyin’

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where I’ve been.

Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
Heed the path that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that floats high in June, when movin’ through Kashmir.

Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear
Ohh.

When I’m on, when I’m on my way, yeah
When I see, when I see the way, you stay-yeah

Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, when I’m down…
Ooh, yeah-yeah, ooh, yeah-yeah, well I’m down, so down
Ooh, my baby, oooh, my baby, let me take you there

Let me take you there. Let me take you there

my meditation spot on the roof

Lately I’ve been sad. I’m not really sure, and I think that is how it goes, sometimes you can’t really figure it out. I’m trying to work with myself to be more balanced in my life. Recently I had a few freak outs because of stress which found me kinda crying hysterically and feeling like my life was ending. I seriously thought about buying a bus ticket to Mendoza and disappearing into the Andes…

Just, seeing all my faults lately ya know, getting kinda down on myself, er…a lot down on myself. This is always how it is though, it gets worse before it gets better. Destruction before reconstruction eh?

I basically just am praying. a lot. Like oh dear god please just let me find the strength within to get through these challenges I am facing right now! And I’m also like, ok chop chop you are supposed to take care of me, make it happen! Show me what direction to go in cause I am totally confused…

Oh my dear lord what I would give to be at the Golden Temple right now. It is literally my “happy place”. That and sometimes also the forest. There is really nothing like meditating there during the early early hours of the morning when the city is still quiet.

Every time I travel somewhere and get settled enough to start to love it, it becomes a part of me. Argentina from now on will always have a special place in my heart (awwww). But, I feel so nostalgic already for places when I’m not there, India, US, now Argentina is added to the list. Great. haha. There will be more to add to the list of places to miss within the next few years. I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to be doing much more traveling in the near future.

El Padrino!!!! jajaja

was pretty dumbfounded when I saw this. one of the coolest murals I've seen here. I just stood and stared...

old ladies talking in the park

new cafe discovery!

 

one thing I love about cafes here is they all have "liquados" which are smoothies yum and good sandwiches. this one had fresh spinach, tomato, basil, cheese and olive oil and vinegar

 

puppy!!!!!!!!!!

 

park at twilight

 

another cool mural

 

haha ok this picture is kinda funny....well it's not really but it's funny in the way that right after I took this picture, three people who were in front of the kiosk asked me to take a picture of them...

 

They invited me to drink mate with them! it is so funny how mate is treated almost like a drug here. If you have ever been in a circle of people smoking pot, well it’s kind of a similar thing. The mate is passed around in a circle, each person taking a turn to drink the full cup before it is filled up again with water for the next person. A popular subject that always seems to come up is whether I have a boyfriend or not. Everyone dates here and PDA is suuuper common. You always see couples on park benches making out, sitting on each other and… yeah P-D-A and many times T-M-I…

I answer no, and that I’m not looking either and they say “porque no?!” They always ask, oh what do you think of the Argentinian boys? Why don’t you have an Argentinian boyfriend? I just say, yeah not interested… but the guys are definitely muy dulce I say, and then they smile.

 

On another note, there is this adorable little book I bought from a boutique shop in Eugene with a gift card from a friend. “How to be Happy” by Lama Zopa Rinpoche. It has just a bunch of little inspirational tips on different subjects. It also has some meditation techniques in the back.

“We might have big ideas about how we can contribute to world peace, but if we can’t help bring peace in our own family, our own workplace – even our own mind – how can we ever start?”

I appreciate this because it is so easy for me to feel like, gahhh I’m only ONE person, and I have such big aspirations, but how can I ever do what i want to do?! I’m not capable, I can’t…blah blah blah. Well, I can at least start within myself, making myself a positive example and being in a place where I can uplift everyone who comes in contact with me. That is something I CAN do and that does make a difference.

Here are a few others I like,

“Mind is like dough, which means you can mold it into any shape. you can roll it into suffering, or roll it into ultimate happiness. Mind is like a disciple, which means you must strive always to be the guru, always teaching. Mind is like a child, which means you should become like parents, the father and the mother carefully and lovingly watching the child and guiding her. If you too act like the child, believe everything the child says, if you become the child, you create obstacles and life becomes suffering.

Mind is like a boat, and you are the captain; mind is a car and you are the driver. Lean the waters, watch the road, steer the vehicle, follow the map – letting the mind run haphazardly where it will, rudderless, captainless, driverless, is the path to great harm”

“Approach you mind the way a spy approaches his target. Spy on your mind. Get to know everything about it: what it is thinking, planing, acting out, whether it is working for good or causing harm – and carefully work to interfere when the mind is being negative.”

 

Resources

Alrightie, so I have seemingly dropped off the face of the planet lately because my independent study period has begun. I am horrible at compartmentalizing things therefore i am living, eating breathing my project which is good and bad. Sometimes i can also suck at focusing so these two things put together sometimes lead me to stress myself out unnecessarily. Lets just say there have been a lot of tears and I have been seriously tempted to take advantage of my WWOOF Argentina (http://www.wwoofargentina.com/what_is_wwoof.htm) membership and disappear into the countryside….like at least 5 times

It is comforting to think about the grand scheme of things, in two weeks this project will be done. 20-40 pages in spanish and a 20 minute project. I will have it done. I’m writing about the history and development of the Agricultural Industry in Argentina after the 1970s and talking also about alternative forms of development such as small communities who use permaculture. At least it’s interesting…

It’s just so funny though. I was so excited to get through the first few months of the program to get to this point so I would have more free time but now that it’s here, times feels to be moving faster than ever. I hope that someday I could have the opportunity to continue this avenue of study with a more flexible time schedule. It’s tough to have a deadline looming. I feel like Frodo during his long trek to Mordor…the closer he was, the more deranged he became.

Learning a lot about myself as always. I gotta work on compartmentalizing, focusing but also chilling out.

Work hard. Play hard. and leave the past in the past. I have made SOOOOO many mistakes during this project, mis-communications because of the spanish and the pressure is on cause I only have a month (now 2 weeks). I can’t bring back the lost time. Time to buckle down and work.

Yogi Bhajan taught these 5 sutras, or sayings to remember during the Aquarian Age. One that is really good is,

“When the pressure is on, start and the pressure will be off” This article gives a nice ‘lil explanation

http://www.spiritvoyage.com/blog/index.php/the-aquarian-sutras-of-yogi-bhajan-when-the-time-is-on-you/

On another note, here is a resource that my mum actually recommended and am finding quite useful for a beginners guide to econ.

http://www.chrismartenson.com/crashcourse/chapter-3-exponential-growth

Also while we are on this topic, something somewhat related that everyone should see is this:

http://www.storyofstuff.org/movies-all/story-of-broke/

 

 

Iguazu Falls, Argentina/ Brazil

a section of Iguazu falls

this isn't even all of Iguazu falls

look mama!

So sometimes I can be kind of all or nothing. Lately, obviously with my blog I’ve been nothing. I know that I haven’t had sufficient time to really blog the way I want so I haven’t been blogging at all…but well, I’ve been missing it so I’ll write what i can. So, last week we were in Porto Alegre, Brazil and this week we are in Montevideo, Uruguay.

I don’t know what is going on with me, or if it is me, or if it is just life right now, but I go through rollercoasters of emotions everyday. There are some moments when I feel on top of the world, like I’m exactly where I am suppose to be, I have everything under control and I feel confident, and an hour later I could be thinking god what am I doing here, what did I get myself into, I don’t know what I’m doing.

This whole study abroad experience I challenging me in so many ways…

For one, my inner-child, or my ego, is constantly throwing a FIT. I mean big time. Sometimes it takes all of my mental willpower to keep from screaming and actually throwing a fit, but I mean I’m 22, I’m suppose to act like an adult now, I can’t be seen kicking and screaming in the streets now that would just be wrong. Ok, so you are probably wondering, well gosh what is making her so upset that she wants to scream? Well I’ve ranted about this already a bunch with other people in my program who have similar sentiments, but one big thing that frustrates me is the fact that I am taking classes on economics and politics, two subjects that I have no experience studying whatsoever; I actually tried to avoid them in the past b/c I thought they were boring (I was really just stubborn and close-minded, they are actually quite fasinating and essential parts of our society that should be understood). So, apart from taking classes about subjects in which I have no background knowledge, did I mention the classes are entirely IN spanish? I probably have, but anyway it’s hard.

I am actually using this opportunity to observe myself closely, my reactions and overall use it as an experience to know myself better, how I work and how I can know how to work with myself in these kind of difficult situations so that I can succeed despite the intense obstacles. In reality, I blow things way out of proportion and stress myself out more than neccessary. It is part of the philosophy of this program to push us out of our comfort zones in order to challenge us and motivate us to work harder, and therefore learn more, faster. I know that this is happening, but learning is a process, it is a gradual progression, so it can be hard to recognize that change IS happening.

Lately I have been feeling very frustrated. Just. Stuck. I’ve also been feeling like there is not enough time. Each day ticks slowly by, but all of a sudden the sun is going down and I’ve got to go to sleep so I can try not to nod off in class again tomorrow.

Yeah, my mind and spirit are really getting it right now. I am literally living my dream life, it’s crazy, but of course it never feels like how you imagined it would feel. Once you finally get what you wanted, sometimes you realize that you were happier before. It is all a process though. I’ve really realized that this life is more of a flow than something solidly set, like stone. I just keep reminding myself that these challenging times are my teachers and that I am becoming stronger.

I am building my capacity to deal with life.

I worry about the future sometimes. I worry about others.

Sometimes I feel so out of place, like what am I doing here? Where do I belong? Do I even belong?

It’s crazy how you can feel so alone when there are so many millions of people in this world.

When I feel like this, I’ve found that reaching out to others, even just to ask “how are you doing?” makes me feel a bit better. And I mean, reeeally asking how they are doing, not this “hey, how are you?” “oh i’m good” “yeah? good.” “how are you?”, “good.” kinda crap. I’m talking, looking straight into their eyes and really asking how they are and being there to listen without judgement to whatever they have to say.

I’ve realized, everyone feels these things at times, it’s kind of ironic, in sharing our mutual sentiments of loneliness, we can feel closer to one another.

Anyway, I’m learning a lot of cool academic stuff too in this program but in the moment these things seemed more interesting to write about for me. I just feel like I’ve had a lack of personal expression and I’ve felt like my thoughts and emotions were starting to pop my seams but writing about these things in my blog is really liberating. I feel like for me it is self expression, I also intend for it to be a place where I can rebel. So many influences around me expect me to be so composed and calm. Ugh, that is not life, that is not what it is to be human.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Sometimes I think, for our spirits, to be so stuck in this flesh; glued to the ground. That can be a hard reality to face when all we really wanna do is fly fly away…

Olimpio, where they held los desaparecidos

From your hands, we take the flags, until victory forever!

Olimpo is one of three main "military schools" in the Buenos Aires area where los desaparecidos were held and tortured before being killed

A room for torture. There were no windows then

faces of los desaparecidos

This they couldn´t destroy, history of the lives of the detained disapeared comrades of Olimpo

How much effect does your environment make?

I think it is common knowlege that your environment makes a huge impact on who you are. This is an interesting idea for me to contemplate these days as I have been placed in a completely new environment unlike any other I have ever been in before. I mean, yes, I´ve lived in India for four years but that was quite different because I was surrounded by peers who had grown up as Sikhs and was living in a Sikh state. I have yet to meet a Sikh here in Buenos Aires. I know a few and am in contact with them through email but we have yet to meet up.

I am observing myself and how I am changing here. The language is a huge thing that has changed. The culture here is very open, friendly but sometimes too much (it is very common for men to whistle at you on the street or say things like ¨how beautiful!¨) which you just have to ignore. PDA is widely accepted, I mean I come from the states and I am surprised a lot by the make-out seshes people have on the subway and in the streets.

Anywhoo back to my point,

It is my belief that if someone is able to maintain a practice or personal charasteristic despite being in an environment that does not necessarily support it, might even condem it, then the person can know they are a truely ¨whatever they are doing¨ or truly believe in xyz etc….

I mean in soooo many cases, people live a certain way, good or bad, because that is the environment they are in, what about you? What things are you doing  just because it is what your environment (society, culture, friends, family, job, etc.) is telling you to do/ be? If you don´t agree with me, I´d be interested to hear what you have to say on this topic.

I am keeping a journal and documenting things I am realizing and how I am feeling throughout this whole process. I am very interested to go back and read it after my program and see my progression of change. Sometimes I lament choosing to study International Studies only, like I shoulda double majored in Psychology or something, the people and the brain are just so facinating…