Solstice so much. Yeah, life is hard lately. Just, everything piling up all at once. When dealing with issues of the heart vs. school, the heart seems so much more important, it has been hard to pull through this year. I’m just glad it’s over so now I can focus fully on taking care of myself and getting better.
I don’t know, can meditation fix everything? Sometimes it just feels good to cry.
I know it makes me sad, but I can’t help listening to Bon Iver. I am ecstatic and filled with sorrow all at once.
Another song I probably shouldn’t be listening to, but I ❤ Band of Horses…
So this part term I took a class all about Gandhi. It was awesome, I learned so much about him and his movement and motivations that I had not known before. One of my favorite passages from his autobiography that I just have to share which I completely agree with:
“The importance of vows grew upon me more clearly than ever before. I realized that a vow, far from closing the door to real freedom, opened it. Up to this time I had not met with success because the will had been lacking, because I had had no faith in myself, no faith in the grace of God, and therefore, my mind had been tossed on the boisterous sea of doubt.
I realized that in refusing to take a vow man was drawn into temptation, and that to be bound by a vow was like a passage from libertin-ism to a real monogamous marriage. ‘I believe in effort, I do not want to blind myself with vows,’ is the mentality of weakness and betrays a subtle desire for the thing to be avoided. Or where can be the difficulty in making a final decision?
I vow to flee from the serpent which I know will bite me, I do not simply make an effort to flee from him. I know that mere effort may mean certain death. Mere effort means ignorance of the certain fact that the serpent is bound to kill me. The fact, therefore, that I could rest content with an effort only, means that I have not yet clearly realized the necessity of definite action.
‘But supposing my views are changed in the future, how can I bind myself by a vow?’ Such a doubt often deters us. But that doubt also betrays a lack of clear perception that a particular thing must be renounced. That is is why Nishkulanand has sung: ‘Renunciation without aversion is not lasting.’ Where therefore the desire is gone, a vow of renunciation is the natural and inevitable fruit.”
I had a good friend tell me these things as well, now I really understand. I felt like I had an unfair advantage in this class. already understand what it means to follow a dharma, a spiritual path and I understand the Indian culture. Discussions were pretty fun. A group of college kids discussion karma, dharma, renunciation, commitment, spiritual practice and much more. Pretty cool.