Iguazu Falls, Argentina/ Brazil

a section of Iguazu falls

this isn't even all of Iguazu falls

look mama!

So sometimes I can be kind of all or nothing. Lately, obviously with my blog I’ve been nothing. I know that I haven’t had sufficient time to really blog the way I want so I haven’t been blogging at all…but well, I’ve been missing it so I’ll write what i can. So, last week we were in Porto Alegre, Brazil and this week we are in Montevideo, Uruguay.

I don’t know what is going on with me, or if it is me, or if it is just life right now, but I go through rollercoasters of emotions everyday. There are some moments when I feel on top of the world, like I’m exactly where I am suppose to be, I have everything under control and I feel confident, and an hour later I could be thinking god what am I doing here, what did I get myself into, I don’t know what I’m doing.

This whole study abroad experience I challenging me in so many ways…

For one, my inner-child, or my ego, is constantly throwing a FIT. I mean big time. Sometimes it takes all of my mental willpower to keep from screaming and actually throwing a fit, but I mean I’m 22, I’m suppose to act like an adult now, I can’t be seen kicking and screaming in the streets now that would just be wrong. Ok, so you are probably wondering, well gosh what is making her so upset that she wants to scream? Well I’ve ranted about this already a bunch with other people in my program who have similar sentiments, but one big thing that frustrates me is the fact that I am taking classes on economics and politics, two subjects that I have no experience studying whatsoever; I actually tried to avoid them in the past b/c I thought they were boring (I was really just stubborn and close-minded, they are actually quite fasinating and essential parts of our society that should be understood). So, apart from taking classes about subjects in which I have no background knowledge, did I mention the classes are entirely IN spanish? I probably have, but anyway it’s hard.

I am actually using this opportunity to observe myself closely, my reactions and overall use it as an experience to know myself better, how I work and how I can know how to work with myself in these kind of difficult situations so that I can succeed despite the intense obstacles. In reality, I blow things way out of proportion and stress myself out more than neccessary. It is part of the philosophy of this program to push us out of our comfort zones in order to challenge us and motivate us to work harder, and therefore learn more, faster. I know that this is happening, but learning is a process, it is a gradual progression, so it can be hard to recognize that change IS happening.

Lately I have been feeling very frustrated. Just. Stuck. I’ve also been feeling like there is not enough time. Each day ticks slowly by, but all of a sudden the sun is going down and I’ve got to go to sleep so I can try not to nod off in class again tomorrow.

Yeah, my mind and spirit are really getting it right now. I am literally living my dream life, it’s crazy, but of course it never feels like how you imagined it would feel. Once you finally get what you wanted, sometimes you realize that you were happier before. It is all a process though. I’ve really realized that this life is more of a flow than something solidly set, like stone. I just keep reminding myself that these challenging times are my teachers and that I am becoming stronger.

I am building my capacity to deal with life.

I worry about the future sometimes. I worry about others.

Sometimes I feel so out of place, like what am I doing here? Where do I belong? Do I even belong?

It’s crazy how you can feel so alone when there are so many millions of people in this world.

When I feel like this, I’ve found that reaching out to others, even just to ask “how are you doing?” makes me feel a bit better. And I mean, reeeally asking how they are doing, not this “hey, how are you?” “oh i’m good” “yeah? good.” “how are you?”, “good.” kinda crap. I’m talking, looking straight into their eyes and really asking how they are and being there to listen without judgement to whatever they have to say.

I’ve realized, everyone feels these things at times, it’s kind of ironic, in sharing our mutual sentiments of loneliness, we can feel closer to one another.

Anyway, I’m learning a lot of cool academic stuff too in this program but in the moment these things seemed more interesting to write about for me. I just feel like I’ve had a lack of personal expression and I’ve felt like my thoughts and emotions were starting to pop my seams but writing about these things in my blog is really liberating. I feel like for me it is self expression, I also intend for it to be a place where I can rebel. So many influences around me expect me to be so composed and calm. Ugh, that is not life, that is not what it is to be human.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Sometimes I think, for our spirits, to be so stuck in this flesh; glued to the ground. That can be a hard reality to face when all we really wanna do is fly fly away…

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I’m kinda addicted to writing, so you know I must be busy if I’m not

I have literally been collapsing on my bed for the past week and getting up and going going going for the whole day with no time to write. Just felt like I should briefly mention what I’ve been up to. Well, last friday and saturday Gurubachan Singh was in town, there was a dinner for him friday and then saturday he taught an amazing meditation class in a posh yoga center in a kinda upperscale hipster neighborhood to about 70+ people. Last sunday I left for Porto Alegre, Brazil for the week with my program. We had classes on the economy, political and development history, Brazil’s involvement in MERCOSUR (the common market between Brazil, Paraguay, Uruguay and Argentina) and a few intro classes of Portuguese. Also got to listen to live samba music, learn how to dance samba and also other traditional brazilian dances, and ate the most amazing array of delicious fruits of my life. Friday afternoon we took an overnight bus to Foz de Iguazu in the south of Brazil on the Argentinan border. Saturday we spent the day exploring and marveling at the wonder of Iguazu Falls, you gotta look it up, it’s amazing. It was a profound experience for me, there is so much we can learn from our environment, the Earth has much wisdom that I think is often overlooked in our fast-paced city lives. This morning (sunday) our group of 22 students split and half took a bus to Paraguay and the other half took a plane back to Buenos Aires to stay with our homestays for a night. Tomorrow morning (in 7ish hours)

Random Assorted Pictures from Buenos Aires

"not one step back"Los Madres de la Plaza infront of Casa Rosada, Argentinas version of the White house, but Pink.una madrePlaza de Mayo.

artists popped out of nowhere and busted out paintings prob to try and sell to tourists there to see the Madres

 

view from my classroom at University of Buenos Aires

 

special Gurdwara a few weeks ago at Casa de Luz

 

happy laughing picture with Kiran Jot K.

 

 

San Telmo at night

 

We got to watch a movie during spanish...probably retained about 3% since it was a local movie (everyone talked really fast and with a lot of slang). In the conference room at I.D.E.S.

 

on my walk home. its a hair salon.

 

across from my appartment

 

what i come home to errday 🙂

 

UBA!

 

Diane at UBA