I want to be unstoppable!

ya know? Like that Santigold song. Here you go, you can listen to this song while you read the rest of my post

I WANT TO BE UNSTOPPABLE

There is this restless feeling in me that has been growing.

Good things have been happening in my life, I have many people surrounding me who adore me and I’m having fun just being with them. I feel sometimes like I’m having too much fun and that life will come back to bite me in the ass sooner or later and then I’ll be sorry. I should be working! I should be saving money! I should be paying off my student loans and looking for a real job instead of waiting tables! But…I like the freedom this life brings. Hanging out with friends in the sun and going to concerts is all I want to do at the moment. Is that so wrong?

I will not be a slave to a 9-5! I can’t see myself following the traditional school->work->work->work->retire->live framework. I want to live the life I want to live NOW. I have so many self-help-y books littering my room. Here are a few:

  • “The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, live anywhere, and join the new rich” by Timothy Ferris
  • “Career Renegade: How to make a great living doing what you love” by Jonathan Fields
  • “Uncertainty: Turning fear and doubt into fuel for brilliance” by Jonathan Fields
  • “Escape from Cubicle Nation: From corporate prisoner to thriving entrepreneur” by Pamela Slim, foreword by Guy Kawasaki (that RichDadPoorDad dude)
  • “The Mind: It’s projections and multiple facets” by Yogi Bhajan PhD, compiled by Gurucharan S. Khalsa

I’ve only just recently solidified that this is what I want, to live outside of the traditional box, but how….that is something that I pray pray pray will show itself to me along the way. But, I have to be working towards something. I can’t just wait for the perfect opportunity to show itself. I must choose something and work towards that. I’ll describe this feeling with an image:

It’s like I’m crossing a river by jumping on stones that are sticking out of the water. Only thing is, its foggy. So foggy in fact that I can only see one rock at a time in front of me. The wind is blowing heavily and I’m carrying a heavy load so I have to lean into the wind to not be knocked off balance and thrown into the rushing river. I have to consider the wind when jumping to the next rock. I do not know if there is a path that crosses the entire river, and I do not know how wide it is, but I must move forward…because I cannot go back.

Er…I just…can’t. Would you go back to where you were? I don’t know specifically where I’m going in life, but I do know that I ALWAYS ALWAYS want to be moving forward and growing and learning constantly. Challenges will always come up. You never know how close you may have been to reaching the end…

I just discovered this guy, Jonathan Budd who is focused on empowering ppl to become entrepreneurs. I like him because he talks very poignantly and also from a spiritual perspective: Only You Can Set Yourself Free

Some of his main points:

  1. book knowledge < experiential knowledge (my thoughts exactly  🙂
  2. you must embody what you wish to achieve
  3. your outer world mirrors your inner world so discipline your life and take care of your body, mind and spirit

Hope you found something interesting in this post. More coming soon.

🙂

Keep Up  xoxo

Iguazu Falls, Argentina/ Brazil

a section of Iguazu falls

this isn't even all of Iguazu falls

look mama!

So sometimes I can be kind of all or nothing. Lately, obviously with my blog I’ve been nothing. I know that I haven’t had sufficient time to really blog the way I want so I haven’t been blogging at all…but well, I’ve been missing it so I’ll write what i can. So, last week we were in Porto Alegre, Brazil and this week we are in Montevideo, Uruguay.

I don’t know what is going on with me, or if it is me, or if it is just life right now, but I go through rollercoasters of emotions everyday. There are some moments when I feel on top of the world, like I’m exactly where I am suppose to be, I have everything under control and I feel confident, and an hour later I could be thinking god what am I doing here, what did I get myself into, I don’t know what I’m doing.

This whole study abroad experience I challenging me in so many ways…

For one, my inner-child, or my ego, is constantly throwing a FIT. I mean big time. Sometimes it takes all of my mental willpower to keep from screaming and actually throwing a fit, but I mean I’m 22, I’m suppose to act like an adult now, I can’t be seen kicking and screaming in the streets now that would just be wrong. Ok, so you are probably wondering, well gosh what is making her so upset that she wants to scream? Well I’ve ranted about this already a bunch with other people in my program who have similar sentiments, but one big thing that frustrates me is the fact that I am taking classes on economics and politics, two subjects that I have no experience studying whatsoever; I actually tried to avoid them in the past b/c I thought they were boring (I was really just stubborn and close-minded, they are actually quite fasinating and essential parts of our society that should be understood). So, apart from taking classes about subjects in which I have no background knowledge, did I mention the classes are entirely IN spanish? I probably have, but anyway it’s hard.

I am actually using this opportunity to observe myself closely, my reactions and overall use it as an experience to know myself better, how I work and how I can know how to work with myself in these kind of difficult situations so that I can succeed despite the intense obstacles. In reality, I blow things way out of proportion and stress myself out more than neccessary. It is part of the philosophy of this program to push us out of our comfort zones in order to challenge us and motivate us to work harder, and therefore learn more, faster. I know that this is happening, but learning is a process, it is a gradual progression, so it can be hard to recognize that change IS happening.

Lately I have been feeling very frustrated. Just. Stuck. I’ve also been feeling like there is not enough time. Each day ticks slowly by, but all of a sudden the sun is going down and I’ve got to go to sleep so I can try not to nod off in class again tomorrow.

Yeah, my mind and spirit are really getting it right now. I am literally living my dream life, it’s crazy, but of course it never feels like how you imagined it would feel. Once you finally get what you wanted, sometimes you realize that you were happier before. It is all a process though. I’ve really realized that this life is more of a flow than something solidly set, like stone. I just keep reminding myself that these challenging times are my teachers and that I am becoming stronger.

I am building my capacity to deal with life.

I worry about the future sometimes. I worry about others.

Sometimes I feel so out of place, like what am I doing here? Where do I belong? Do I even belong?

It’s crazy how you can feel so alone when there are so many millions of people in this world.

When I feel like this, I’ve found that reaching out to others, even just to ask “how are you doing?” makes me feel a bit better. And I mean, reeeally asking how they are doing, not this “hey, how are you?” “oh i’m good” “yeah? good.” “how are you?”, “good.” kinda crap. I’m talking, looking straight into their eyes and really asking how they are and being there to listen without judgement to whatever they have to say.

I’ve realized, everyone feels these things at times, it’s kind of ironic, in sharing our mutual sentiments of loneliness, we can feel closer to one another.

Anyway, I’m learning a lot of cool academic stuff too in this program but in the moment these things seemed more interesting to write about for me. I just feel like I’ve had a lack of personal expression and I’ve felt like my thoughts and emotions were starting to pop my seams but writing about these things in my blog is really liberating. I feel like for me it is self expression, I also intend for it to be a place where I can rebel. So many influences around me expect me to be so composed and calm. Ugh, that is not life, that is not what it is to be human.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Sometimes I think, for our spirits, to be so stuck in this flesh; glued to the ground. That can be a hard reality to face when all we really wanna do is fly fly away…

Olimpio, where they held los desaparecidos

From your hands, we take the flags, until victory forever!

Olimpo is one of three main "military schools" in the Buenos Aires area where los desaparecidos were held and tortured before being killed

A room for torture. There were no windows then

faces of los desaparecidos

This they couldn´t destroy, history of the lives of the detained disapeared comrades of Olimpo

As you sow, so shall you reap

Salok, First Mehla: Night is the summer season, and day is the winter season; sexual desire and anger are the two fields planted.

Greed prepares the soil, and the seed of falsehood is planted; attachment and love are the farmer and hired hand.

Contemplation is the plow, and corruption is the harvest; this is what one earns and eats, according to the Hukam of the Lord’s Command.

O Nanak, when one is called to give his account, he will be barren and infertile. ||1||


First Mehla: Make the Fear of God the farm, purity the water, truth and contentment the cows and bulls,

humility the plow, consciousness the plowman, remembrance the preparation of the soil, and union with the Lord the planting time.

Let the Lord’s Name be the seed, and His Forgiving Grace the harvest. Do this, and the whole world will seem false.

O Nanak, if He bestows His Merciful Glance of Grace, then all your separation will be ended. ||2||

Pauree: The self-willed manmukh is trapped in the darkness of emotional attachment; in the love of duality he speaks.

The love of duality brings pain forever; he churns the water endlessly.

The Gurmukh meditates on the Naam, the Name of the Lord; he churns, and obtains the essence of reality.

The Divine Light illuminates his heart deep within; he seeks the Lord, and obtains Him.

He Himself deludes in doubt; no one can comment on this. ||17||

O Nanak, don’t be anxious; the Lord will take care of you.

He created the creatures in water, and He gives them their nourishment.

There are no stores open there, and no one farms there.

No business is ever transacted there, and no one buys or sells.

Animals eat other animals; this is what the Lord has given them as food.

He created them in the oceans, and He provides for them as well.

O Nanak, don’t be anxious; the Lord will take care of you. ||1||

First Mehla: O Nanak, this soul is the fish, and death is the hungry fisherman.

The blind man does not even think of this. And suddenly, the net is cast.

O Nanak, his consciousness is unconscious, and he departs, bound by anxiety.

But if the Lord bestows His Glance of Grace, then He unites the soul with Himself. ||2||

Pauree: They are true, forever true, who drink in the sublime essence of the Lord.

The True Lord abides in the mind of the Gurmukh; He strikes the true bargain.

Everything is in the home of the self within; only the very fortunate obtain it.

The hunger within is conquered and overcome, singing the Glorious Praises of the Lord.

He Himself unites in His Union; He Himself blesses them with understanding. ||18||

Salok, First Mehla: The cotton is ginned, woven and spun;

the cloth is laid out, washed and bleached white.

The tailor cuts it with his scissors, and sews it with his thread.

Thus, the torn and tattered honor is sewn up again, through the Lord’s Praise, O Nanak, and one lives the true life.

Becoming worn, the cloth is torn; with needle and thread it is sewn up again.

It will not last for a month, or even a week. It barely lasts for an hour, or even a moment.

But the Truth does not grow old; and when it is stitched, it is never torn again.

O Nanak, the Lord and Master is the Truest of the True. While we meditate on Him, we see Him. ||1||


Hukham I received when I asked about Argentina.
http://www.sikhitothemax.com/Page.asp?SourceID=G&PageNo=955

Truth

There is something so beautiful about being transparent. I don’t want to hide anything anymore. I have a lot of bullshit in me that I don’t want to rule me anymore. By speaking about it, I feel….relieved. This is a side of a spiritual life that I feel a lot of people don’t want to put out there to the world because they are suppose to be past this, to be able to transcend it. Lately, I have been able to be more honest with my friends about what is going on with me and where I am trying to go in my life.

Sometimes, I feel like I was suppose to be born perfect. I was born into a loving Sikh family with a pretty conservative lifestyle compared to many other people in the US. I feel like people expect me to be able to keep up with the lifestyle because I was born into it, I shouldn’t question it. Well, I did question it, and I got burned. Now I really understand why many Sikhs rise in the early hours of the morning to recite prayers, do yoga and sing devotional songs, why many Sikhs wear a turban and bana and don’t put themselves out there “for sale”.

I’m going through a healing process now. I didn’t follow the lifestyle for a little while, I was doing things very contrary to it, but that phase is over now. Now I’m forgiving myself for all that, and trying to just keep up!

Keeping up is a daily struggle. Moment to moment. But, man, it is much better than not trying.

It is inspiring to learn about great teachers who have come before me, who did amazing things, but were not perfect and made mistakes in their lives. Gandhi was very consumed with lust in his marriage, and he also experimented with eating meat for a year. The Buddha left his wife and child to pursue an ascetic life! Albert Einstein was a horrible father, hardly saw his kids and at one point married his cousin!

It just makes me think, I have made mistakes, but so did they, and look at what they were able to do with their lives! What an impact they still made! I do not doubt that great things are in store for me

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Albert Einstein

“A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”
Mohandas Gandhi

“All the religions of the world, while they may differ in other respects, unitedly proclaim that nothing lives in this world but Truth.”
Mohandas Gandhi

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.”
Mohandas Gandhi

“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
Mohandas Gandhi

“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?”
Buddha

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.”
Buddha